Season Four of Jersey Shore Spoilers!

Yesterday I went to the best grocery store in the entire world, which I just happen to live less than a mile from (fyi - if you are in the Atlanta/Decatur area, it's the Dekalb Farmers Market).

As usual, I picked up a few extra goodies for myself that weren't on the list. Yesterday's haul - pomegranate juice, brie cheese and dark chocolate covered espresso beans. From about 2pm on, I was popping a few of these chocolate covered espresso beans every twenty minutes until around 8pm when my husband mentioned that I was going to have a hard time sleeping later.

Cue .... 4am. I am laying in bed with my hands shaking from the caffeine jitters. My mind is racing and I am trying to fall asleep since I have to get up at 6am. I experienced one of those weird 'I don't feel like I slept' but 'I probably did pass out for two hours' things and during this two hour span I had a vision. I figured that I would share my vision with all of you. I, Ashlee, had the season four of Jersey Shore presented to me through my caffeine haze. That is right. Between my heart palpitations and sweaty shakes, I dreamed of Snooki and the gang.

1) In this next season, you may have heard from gossip magazines/blogs that Vinny walks out for a few days because he is sick and tired of all the drama. That is not true actually. He leaves for a few days because he has some magic shows to preform. He apparently is a budding magician and had a few shows booked that conflicted with the Jersey Shore show taping.

2) Snooki falls madly in love with 'The Situation.' Unbeknowest to her, 'The Situation' is actually in love with me. Oh did I mention that I also am in the Season Four of Jersey Shore? I replace Deena. So since 'The Situation' rejects Snooki due to his devotiation to me, she locks herself in the bathroom/closet/small holes all season and cries.

3) Ronnie and Sammi get engaged. But the surprising thing is that they actually turn into a normal couple with healthy communication. No drama from them anymore.

4) Pauly D cuts off all his hair. He is tired of it defining him and instantly becomes much less attractive.
So there you have it! Next season when MTV shows all the drama that occurs on the shore, just remember where you heard it all first. Oh yeah, and keep your eyes peeled out for me!

 

Most Colorful Outfit Ever

I washed our clothes after not doing laundry for about a week, and I swear every single top that my mine was a shade of gray. Apparently the bland winter weather and landscape has been affecting my style choices so I decided to add a bit of brightness to my wardrobe with this outfit.

I may have overdone it with hot pink nails, lemon yellow purse, turquoise ring, coral sweater and everycolorunderthesun dress. I tried to tie it all together with brown tights and shoes, but I don't think it really subdued the look at all. So if you live in the Atlanta area and you saw some chick walking around in an outfit so bright and colorful that it hurts your eyes....don't mind me....I am sure that I will be back to my gray 'business as usual' attire for the rest of the week.

Sorry for the weird photos. We didn't take them in the best light, so I had to fiddle around a bit with my photo editor to get them bright enough and they turned out grainy.

Btw...after these photos were taken, my husband and I went out to eat at a little place called 'The Vortex' here in Atlanta. It's his favorite restaurant and in the top five for me. Anywho, my husband ate something called the 'Double Coronary Bypass.' I wish I had taken a photo of this burger. It was absolutely massive. Here is the description from the menu...

"Our big half-pound sirloin patty topped with two fried eggs, six slices of American cheese, and eight slices of bacon, all served between two grilled cheese sandwiches that we use in place of the regular hamburger buns."

Yeah. He ate it all without blinking an eye. He also shared an appetizer of fried zucchini with me, ate all his french fries and drank five beers. He slept that whole car ride home (probably because his heart was trying desperately to keep him alive) but then ate a snack a few hours later. For real. That boy is impressive.

<sidenote: not to just throw my husband under the gluttony bus, but on the car ride home while he slept, I stopped at Kroger and bought myself a lemon cake. I ate a veggie burger at dinner, tator tots and shared the fried zucchini appetizer, but gosh darn it, I wanted a damn cake!> So yeah....we are gluttons.

Dress: Old Navy

Sweater: Old Navy

Tights: We Love Colors (Christmas Present from my mom. Thanks mom!!)

Shoes: Target

Purse: Nine West (Hand-me-down from my mom. Maybe originally my Aunts?)

Necklace: My favorite necklace in the world which used to belong to my Great-Grandma.

Ring: Purchased via etsy.

Sloth

My goodness...I can't believe that it is already 10 days into the new year. I feel like I have been in some sort of time warp these past three weeks. My husband was off from law school during this time and it seemed like everything kind of meshed together into some sort of baked goods eating, wine drinking, mario kart playing haze.

My husband is one of the hardest working people I have ever met. Since we have been dating/married, he always has had an 80-100 hour a week job or attended law school. He is fueled solely by coffee, cheese and tobacco and works himself into the ground. But good god, when he decides that he is going to relax, he doesn't just relax, he becomes a sloth. Hence the last few weeks where I in turn became a sloth. When you work from home, live in a 700 sq foot apartment, and your husband is three feet away sitting on the couch watching some documentary about ventriloquists, it is so hard not to get pulled in. So after my holiday orders were done and before I had to start inventory January 1st, I slothed, I slothed hard. I am talking about how I didn't do the dishes for a few days so we ran out of clean dishes, so we decided to eat fast food for a week instead of washing a fork. I am talking about having an argument with the husband every four hours when the puppy needed to go out because neither of us could be bothered with having to walk the dog the 1oo feet to poop. We slothed so hard I gained 7 pounds in three weeks and the husband gained 13 pounds. They say 'Go big or go home.' We got big and stayed home.

But all good things must come to an end. My husband started law school again yesterday and I did our dishes. I washed and put away eight loads of laundry (I was surprised at how many clothes we dirtied while slothing). I took a shower, ate some vegetables and drank some warm lemon water. I ran 4 miles yesterday and today and tried to sweat out all the delicious waffle fries from Chick fil'A I had consumed lately. I feel like I am coming out of some gnarly drug induced binge, but instead it was just a wonderful 2nd honeymoon with my husband. I have to say....I am already looking forward to the next years sloth-fest.

Outfit Post - Take 2

We are breaking free of a cold front that moved through Georgia over the last few days and it was so nice to be out and about. I wore one of my favorite  jackets today that I got from a thrift store when I was in the 8th grade! I have a vivid memory of myself in the dressing room trying this baby on and thinking that I was going to be the coolest person ever in 9th grade if I bought this thing and wore it to the first day of high school.

I totally did wear it on the first day and oddly, it didn't turn me into the coolest person ever, but rather the uncomfortable girl who wore a bulky fleece blazer/jacket to the first day of 9th grade in Mid-August. After owning it for 14 years, I am still hopeful each time I wear it that I will still turn into the coolest person ever.

My puppy dog - Cooper. What a ham.

I made these earrings from a pair of clip-ons which my mother gave me which had originally belonged to my great-grandma. I inserted little pearls into the middle of the pansy flowers and turned them into dangling earrings with 14K gold earwires. They are my new favorite pair.

Our setting for the day. Local log cabin where they have story-telling activities.

Tank Top: Target

Blazer: Energie (thifted)

Jeans: Express (thrifted)

Shoes: Payless

Earrings: Handmade by Me!

Things of Note for Today

Today was an exciting day. Let's just get right down to it....

1) The morning started off extreme when I discovered the biggest bran flake ever in my cereal. Check out that sucker! He was about the size of an egg.

2) I unknowingly started a garden over the holidays when I stopped cooking and ingested only baked goods for two weeks straight. I think I need to start eating my veggies again.

3) Took the puppy to the dog park without the husband. An older woman (early 60's) came and stood next to me and after a few awkward comments back and forth about how cold it was, my brain decided that it was totally socially acceptable to start discussing with this complete stranger about how we switched dog foods lately and my dog is practically pooping his body weight each day. I kept picking up on her uncomfortableness by her very pronounced social cues, but I continued talking about my dogs potty habits with enthusiasm for at least ten minutes with this woman while she just stared ahead silently. I fear that I might be so socially awkward that I am will never rebound to normal social norms.

4) Still doing inventory and fyi....counting thousands of beads is boring. To spice it up I like to throw in a little Sesame Street Count in there. One bead. ha.ha.ha. Two beads. ha.ha.ha. Three beads. ha.ha.ha.

5) My husband and I had a discussion on whether or not I should have a blog 'catchphrase.' Something I would say often at the end of posts. Gonna throw some of them out there over the next few days and see if something sticks.

<Husband's Choice> That's all the news that's to print. <BOOOOOOOOOOO>

<My Choice> Oh yeah, you are most welcome. <HOOOOORAYYYY>

How to do Accounting for a Small Business Like a Rockstar

Ahhh...the start of tax season is upon us. Currently I am in the middle of counting thousands of little beads and my husband is in the other room quietly cussing to himself while entering information into a few dozen excel spreadsheets.

After three years of doing taxes and inventory for my business, I have worked out a few kinks but overall I am still a terrible book-keeper (my husband whole-heartedly agrees). I really need to make it big so I can hire someone to do all of this for me. Until then, here are some of my tricks of the trade and lessons on how to do your small business taxes like a rockstar.

1) Since you are going to be working on the computer all day, paint your nails a pretty color. They will look extra fabulous while you do all your number-crunching. Neon pink is the color au jour.

2) Drink plenty of liquids. Your full and slightly painful bladder will help keep you focused. Also, think of your frequent potty breaks as a reward and reprieve.

3) Convince your unemployed, law student of a husband that since you are the sole income earner, frequent foot rubs and back crackings are in order. It's hard work sitting in a chair all day organizing your ribbon.

4) If you decide to forgo showering because you hate accounting and don't care about anything else but finishing, be sure to wear the biggest hat you have to hide your hideous mane.

5) Make sure there is a constant supply of dark chocolate and red wine in your household. You need nourishment.

5) Wear your game face at all times. This is how I look while I count beads all day....

So there you have it. That is all you need to know to do your small business taxes. You are most welcome.

 

1st Outfit Post Ever - Room for Improvement

Alright...well...I did it. I actually put on pants with a zipper and did my hair (sort of). Here is the first installment of my new outfit posts and well.... we have some work to do to make this actually enjoyable for you to view.

First - These were taken in the middle of our local dog park, so imagine steaming piles of poo everywhere. Also, lots of dog owners staring at us funny while we attempt to take photos.

Second - Instead of telling me I look lovely, my husband commented that I looked overly dressed up. I am glad that I have set the standard so high that a pair of jeans and a cotton t-shirt, now qualify as dressing up :) To be fair to him though...I am wearing some bling on my head.

Now that the scene is set....here are the photos...

Alright, so my photographer/husband started us off right with a full body shot. I did a little bit of cropping because I was an ant in the original photo, but it is a good start.

Photographer/husband moved a bit closer and took a lovely shot which highlights all the areas where my latest binge fest is currently residing on my body.

I gave him the instruction of getting some 'cool angles' which apparently means holding the camera crooked and making it blurry.

My husband told me after this photo that my eyes did 'something weird' and then quit on me. In his defense, someone needed to keep an eye on our dog. We were already getting plenty of stares.

Sans photographer, I attempted to get some photos on my own. See shot above for cool shoulder detailing on shirt.

Almost a top-knot hair do with a flashy headband I made for New Year's Eve, but since we didn't go out at all (husband was sick), decided to wear it to the dog park on January 1st. Totally dog park appropriate.

Obligatory looking off in the distance pose.

I thoroughly scoured the area before placing my bag down. Poop free and hopefully pee free as well.

My photographer/husband came back to me after watching me from afar taking photos of myself. I think he felt sorry for me. And he just wanted me to finish so we could leave.

So yeah....there is the first one. Hopefully with a little bit of work, we can actually take some decent photos soon.

Shirt: Old Navy

Jeans: Express (thrifted)

Shoes: Payless

Bag: Michael Kors (thrifted)

Headband: Handmade by me!

I'm a sucker for resolutions...

It's true. I have a weakness for New Year's Eve and the hopefulness that it brings. There is nothing like gorging on butter and See's candy for two weeks prior to January 1st, knowing that everything is going to change and you just might become the perfect person in the new year. I have always made New Year's Resolutions since I was a kid and still have a few of the lists I made when I was a kid/teenager/last year.

A few from the past.... 1) Stop reading celebrity gossip sites (hardy hardy har. That is a major addiction still). 2) Lose 10 pounds (pretty much on my list every year since I hit puberty). 3) Take a photo a day for the entire year (literally lasted three days).  4) Get published in either O Magazine or Real Simple (I was so close in 2010, but it fell through at the last minute).

So since I had big plans of turning my life around today, I of course, had to write down some resolutions yesterday so I could let you all know exactly what I plan on doing, and then on December 31st of 2012 (if the world still exists), we can all have a big chuckle at my lack of follow-through.

1) Take a photo each day and post it to the blog. Oh yeah, I didn't succeed two years ago when I tried, but I figure if I can go longer than three days, then we can chalk it up as a success. And speaking of succeeding..... here is today's photo....

2) Get a nicer camera and actually learn about photography. Our photo-a-day adventure mentioned above might actually be somewhat viable then and not just consist of blurry photos of puppies.

3) Run a marathon. Maybe two. I just turned 26 last week, so I figure this is the perfect year to run my first 26.2 miles. I have been training for about two months (minus the last two weeks of being a sloth and eating my body weight in baked goods). I have plans on running the Atlanta Marathon in March and if it all goes well, the Savannah Rock'n Roll Marathon in October.

4) Lose 15 pounds. It would have been the usual 10 pounds, but since I ate an entire box of See's Candy in two days (thanks Mom!), I have a few extra miles to run.

5) Become a successful blogger. Hear that blogging world???? I am going to do this and be a success! I made a schedule of blog posts for the next month and everything, so I must be serious. Actually, I didn't make a schedule for the whole month, but like for five or six already. I am waiting to be inspired for the other ones.

6) Learn something new. A new language, craft or take a class at a community college. I miss academia and since my Husband is in law school, I have really been yearning to stretch my intellectual capabilities.

7) Read some books! I am going to strive to read 1-2 books a month which is a lot of me right now since I mostly listen to audio books while I work or clean.

8) Knit more!! I started knitting again this past month and I have fallen head-over-heels in love with the craft again. There is something so magical about taking a ball of squishy yarn and creating the perfect accessory from it. I am completely obsessed again and want to do more of it.

9) Learn how to build my own website. I tried to do this in 2011 and well....my mind isn't capable of doing graphic design or learning code or any of the other mumbo jumbo associated with it. Since my business is 90% online, this is probably something I should figure out. It seems so boring and complicated though....

10) Become a yogi. Start practicing yoga. It seems cool and everyone who does it looks extremely attractive.

So there you have it. I have big plans on doing all of the above and making 2012 the best year ever! Do you have any good resolutions for the New Year?

<Photo of us hanging out at the dog park today. I had to post this because this is such a good self-portrait of us. Usually one of our heads is lopped off.>